NO SCARS TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL

I am aware that I have a body structure which is broader than the average population. And yet I don’t consider being broad as ugly. To add to that, I suffer from a condition called Hypothyroidism that instantly makes me prone to weight gain just by consuming air. Yet, even after all these things, I don’t feel fat unless someone points it out to me. The sad part is, if you tell a skinny girl that she looks fat, she too would start believing that she is fat. There have been so many instances when my thin friends told me they feel fat and it never even crossed their minds that their thoughts impact my thoughts. Regardless to mention, most of them would try to relate to me, tell me that they understand what I go through and how tough it is to lose weight. Sometimes it sounds less of a sympathy and more of a way for them to feel good about themselves by belittling me. I often feel in their heads they run the dialogue “At least I am not as fat as her”, every time they feel unattractive.  That’s how people in this world are conditioned. We depend so much on external validation, that we don’t feel confident being in our own skin. 

As a fat girl, if a guy hits on me, I am expected to be thankful to him. As per beauty standards, the vital stats of a woman ideally should be 36-24-26. That measurement itself is so dangerously unhealthy, that the only way a broad framed woman can do that is by donating half of the organs in her body. Young girls around the globe are adopting unrealistic measures like vomiting after eating and consuming weight loss pills to keep themselves in the skinny zone. I have been on the heavier side all my life. I took to the challenge of losing weight once in my life, because I liked a guy and I wanted to look good for him (conditioning by some female friends of mine). I lost almost 20kgs and came down to 60kgs with a height of 163cm (that’s my ideal weight by the way). I was still a fat girl. Infact, after losing those extra kilos I became even more paranoid about the weight. I started fitting in average women's clothes and I would be able to find my size in almost every section and in almost every design I liked. I wanted it to be this way, so I started starving myself to crash diets like GM Diet and Military Diet to lose an extra kilo or two just in case I gain back some due to unavoidable food intakes. I exercised twice a day and got obsessed with measuring my weight after every meal. I stopped doing all that after I gained 10kgs within a year even after taking so many precautions. 

I am still overweight and gain weight occasionally because of an incurable condition, yet I maintain a healthy lifestyle. I care about my physical and mental health like everyone else. I indulge in stress eating every once in a while because of low serotonin levels in my body, which is an outcome of constantly stressing over calorie intake. I don't support the idea of body shamming as an excuse to not exercise. But, if you are a nobody to me, don't feel obliged to tell me how out-of-shape I am. I have enough "well-wishers" around me to give that to me.

Don't make me blind enough with your ideal body images that I am not able to enjoy my own beauty.