Skip to main content

OFF THE BEATEN PATH


It's been a long way here, and miles more to go. I started off my adult life as a refugee, having a sleepover everyday with 10 people in a house out of which 4 people slept in the same room. The next promotion was living with 7 people in a condo, then down to 2 people in a shabby basement apartment behind a lemonade shop that had no windows at all, before I moved into my last apartment that had a window to my room that would open to a guy's balcony and he would always get a free show of my legs while sipping beer. After I graduated and moved out of Chicago. I stayed with my boyfriend (now Husband) in Michigan, while I was searching for a job. Then I moved to Ohio for my new job as a Firmware Developer. After saving my salary for 1 year, I was finally able to move to my own 1 Bed Room Apartment in Cleveland, bought a car with my own money and now spend peaceful days at home after coming back from work. 

When I sit and look back at what I have gone through, it almost feels unbelievable and impossible to live that kind of life again. Adulting would be such a painful process, I could have never imagined. But, would I go back to living my old life in India with my Parents? Probably not. Having gone through my own experiences, I wouldn't want anyone else to ever try to scare me off my path by giving an example of their experiences. And so, I choose to stay isolated.

However, (hu)man is a social animal. Any kind of prolonged isolation can lead to depression and anxiety when in public spaces. To avoid that, I try to engage in more productive social activities while I fail miserably at it. My diaspora is so vast and outlandish that I neither associate with people of my own nationality anymore nor am I close to fitting in with the locals here. I rather find solace in knowing and reading about people from various countries and the histories behind their diaspora.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

MY JOURNEY OF SELF DISCOVERY

Genetically, I have been blessed with a thick growth of hair. Just the placement of them went a little wrong. Instead of thick lush black hair on my head, I have thick black jungle on my legs. I didn’t know women needed to shave their body parts so that they don't repel men. I was in a convent school. I started off shaving my legs and hands when I was 14 and I didn't even understand why a naturally occurring process can be repulsive to somebody. Don't men get to choose whether they want to shave their beard or not. From the dreadful task of shaving every 2 weeks, also came the laziness of wearing skirts and shorts. I used to opt for long sleeves and jeans, only to delay the appointment with my razor for another week. Coming of age, I started getting attracted to guys in my class. I realized, in-order to gain the confidence to even go and talk to them, I need to feel confident inside out. Imagine my plight if the guy’s arms touched mine and he jumps off his seat...

NO SCARS TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL

I am aware that I have a body structure which is broader than the average population. And yet I don’t consider being broad as ugly. To add to that, I suffer from a condition called Hypothyroidism that instantly makes me prone to weight gain just by consuming air. Yet, even after all these things, I don’t feel fat unless someone points it out to me. The sad part is, if you tell a skinny girl that she looks fat, she too would start believing that she is fat. There have been so many instances when my thin friends told me they feel fat and it never even crossed their minds that their thoughts impact my thoughts. Regardless to mention, most of them would try to relate to me, tell me that they understand what I go through and how tough it is to lose weight. Sometimes it sounds less of a sympathy and more of a way for them to feel good about themselves by belittling me. I often feel in their heads they run the dialogue “At least I am not as fat as her”, every time they feel unattractive....

CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY

Turning 28, closing 30, I am reflecting upon the year that was. On my 27th Birthday, I decided to go through counseling, falling apart into pieces. It was difficult for me to even start talking about my issues. I often felt trapped in a world I don't understand, along with trying to do things that could make or break my life. Here I was, in the middle of a Thesis that needed to be completed in order to keep my status, spending all that money that I couldn't possibly pay back until I got a job. In the middle of all this, I started spending my days over analyzing about what went wrong in choosing the people in my life. I felt helpless to let go off things that I can't change. In the end, it all boiled down to me realizing that it's only wise to chose what battles I wanted to fight and look the other way when it came to the rest of them. I didn't need to go down every path that has been laid in front of me, go down every emotion that has been thrown at me. I had to ...